“I couldn’t wait to drive so I could get away from the house.” My husband has said this many times over the years whenever we talk about his passion for driving. It’s a common issue around here because I’m the opposite. My car gets me from A to B and that’s all that matters. Meanwhile, Bill eagerly grabs the wheel of anything that has an engine. I must admit I don’t understand it and have even fantasized what winning the lottery would mean to me: A chauffeur!
My love had heart surgery last month and driving has been a no-no. Airbags are evil to broken sternums! At first he was just happy to have made it off the operating table. I woke up! But as the all-consuming drudgery of healing progressed into the fourth week, the desire of that forbidden fruit slowly returned.
I now know what driving means to my man: • independence • adventure • freedom. “You are in charge behind the wheel!” I got a sense of how important this is when I worked briefly in a nursing home many years ago. Anti-depressants were often listed in patient files and I was told most everyone there was grieving the loss of their independence. Depression was significant.
Although the word “Independence” doesn’t usually show up on lists of major losses, it’s huge. It’s not only about losing the ability to drive or work or garden like you used to, it’s not being able to choose whether or not you want to. If health and circumstances decline for some reason, it can seem like your whole life is being dictated by someone else. And having that choice matters a lot.
Emerging from the Heartache of Loss: A Book That Helps Heal
I had the idea to write a book about loss because many of the people I knew seemed so anxious and sad all the time. Emerging from the Heartache of Loss has some very doable solutions to getting through the debilitating effects of loss. Learning to cope better with the many losses we all have to face shores you up so you won’t be as devastated the next time you lose someone close, your health declines, or a lifelong dream is dashed.
Meanwhile, Billy drove off on his own today for the first time since the surgery, and I’m sitting here reflecting on the first time my teenagers drove without me beside them. I can still remember the relief as they pulled safely into the driveway. Whew!