I feel sad when people apologize for crying in front of me, or for not “being over it” yet. Good grief, there is nothing to apologize for because heartache — from whatever has happened in your life — is a personal journey and takes its own sweet time. So what if it’s been 10 years since it happened. Only you know how you feel, so tears are never out of place. It’s why there’s extra emphasis on it in my newest book, Emerging from the Heartache of Loss.
The coming blitz of Holiday falderal seems to demand that we all be happy, and peer pressure sometimes makes it hard to admit we’re not. It can be a time of great sadness when a major loss is still very painful, but most of us hide it. When someone asks “How you doing?”, it’s just easier to say “Fine.” And could be things have been mostly fine. But then “The Holiday” or “The Birthday” looms large, nose diving you into sadness.
No matter the word you use — weep, cry, sob, bawl, whimper, wail, blubber, snivel, tearing up — the result is releasing negative feelings. Everyone has their own crying style: from sobbing freely to sniveling quietly in a dark corner or in the bathroom with the door locked. It doesn’t matter how you do it, though, just as long as you do it.
I admit to often suppressing the urge to cry until I’m alone, but I know that stifling tears all the time works against me. The very tears I’m suppressing are the healing power of my own body. If you feel like you might not stop once you start, don’t worry, tears stop on their own when they’ve done their job.
Have you noticed how the lump in your throat actually hurts if you try to hold the urge in too long? Bodies demand this releasing of emotional energy, which keeps us sane and releases pain. Sobbing out loud, alternating breaths with contorted gasps, is a natural outlet for deep emotions.
Tears Heal. Cry Often. Do it well.