I love my iPhone. I hate my iPhone. Negotiating between devices, apps and icons, spins my head faster than Regan’s in the bone chilling movie, The Exorcist. But I am determined and shall soon be smart once again. ha

I know deep down that the upsides far exceed my technology confusion. For instance, conversation is my favorite thing to do so Chat is made for me. Except for Earl of Evil Auto-Correct, who has a different idea about what I want to say. I thank my freshman English teacher, Mr. Malarky, for implanting early on my very own auto-correct. No coddling for this teacher!

My reasonable self says, “Keep up. Resisting the latest and greatest is just plain dumb… and futile.” I’ve always loved to learn, but booting up the left side of my brain has never been so tough. Technology, indeed, has me by the kahunas.

The printer we have is old and won’t scan anymore, but the tech says my new iPad scans. Great news! He takes me through the steps, then writes them down — without the smirk I expect. It all seems so simple. By the time I get home and try it on my own, well, let’s say I must have missed a link or two. Or possibly some brain cells on the way home.

Snapchat, my latest hurdle, is just another in a long line of that-which-keeps-my-synapses-firing. They tell me this is a good thing, but sometimes I wonder. My son knew I wouldn’t do it on my own, so he showed me how simple it was, pushed me to start, and signed me up for this app himself. “Play with it” he says. Sure, son. I played, now it’s frozen. Those tiny icons at the bottom of the page are so easy to press—accidentally!! And then, undoing my screw-up usually takes me to places yet unknown, digging me even deeper into the tech abyss.

It must seem like I’m 99, but no. I’m pretty sure the key to breaking down the mental barrier that’s toying with my brain is relaxing about it all. Remember to B-R-E-A-T-H-E, Carol. And so it goes… bird by bird.

Weeded out this week: My scaredy-cat self. And the notion that I’m not capable of retaining all these details. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. Learning to lean in.