Memorial Day weekend marks the beginning of summer for a lot of people, and they’re excited to get that 3-day weekend to celebrate. That’s fun, and I used to water ski so I know. But all over the U.S. this coming Monday means more — we will remember. Not only about the military men and women we’ve lost, but about other deaths we’ve had to live through over the years: moms and dads, kids and grandparents, mates and friends… beloved pets.
Adjustment to major loss is hard, and there’s no way around it, no one way to react, no one way to behave. It’s a very personal journey that well-meaning friends and family cannot dictate or judge, or even understand. Only you know. That profound sadness mellows in time, but the memory of “then” can sometimes loom like it was yesterday.
It’s still a mystery to me but it’s true. Simply put, your brain actually believes what you tell it! So if remembering a loved one is still painful, here’s something to try. Set a time limit ahead of time. “I’ll spend an hour tomorrow remembering, wallowing and weeping.” Five minutes if the pain is too great. The trick here is that you’ve given your brain instructions to follow — a time limit. I know, I know, weird to to think of it this way, but it works better than you’d think. it might sound a little too woo-woo for some, but what have you got to lose?
Humor can play a big part in the grieving process so it has its own chapter in my book, Emerging from the Heartache of Loss. It might be hard at first, but if you can spend that hour focusing on the good times you had together instead of how much you miss them, smiles might happen! Smiles can lead to laughing out loud, and laughing through tears eventually washes them away.
Good luck and have a peaceful day…