maneuvering-in-bathtub

Bathing is harder than I thought!

In an effort to lift my mood and yours, I bring to you a snippet of a recent family conversation. My son, the wit, entertained us all by starting the following thread after he tried to relax in the bathtub. It had been one tough week at work. Characters: son Jesse, daughter Christy, Mom and Dad. Backstory: Mom, Dad and Christy are bath people. Jesse — apparently — is not.

Jesse (6:00pm): I just took a bath. I am not good at it. I couldn’t figure out what to do or how to clean myself. Now I am uncomfortably hot in my living room. A cold shower sounds good.

Christy: Hard to imagine being bad at taking a bath. Did you have candlelight, a book and a plate of snacks?

Jesse: I had a book. My legs stuck out and my head was shoved forward. Then my book was out of reach and my hands were wet. I got my armpits soaped up and when I laid back, my arms were pinned to my sides and I couldn’t rinse the soap off.

Christy: You have to have a little hand towel handy so you can dry your hands before picking up the book.

Mom: Do I have your permission to blog about your bath adventure, son?

Jesse: Sure Mom, I don’t think I will be taking another one anytime soon.

Mom: It would be helpful, of course, if you could provide me with an image to use, like a selfie in the tub!

Christy: Yeah, where’s the selfie looking disgruntled and uncomfortable in the bath?

Mom: Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to take the perfect shot of what Christy said.

Mom: Keeping in mind, of course, that I’m reluctant to publish a picture of your private parts on my blog page!

Jesse: I am also slightly reluctant of this.

Dad: Jesse, think of the bath as a hot tub. Fill with water as hot as you can stand it and as full as you can get it, get in and straighten your legs. If the bottoms of your feet feel slimy, wash them so you won’t slip. Quickly lower your body until you are under water with only your face out, take ten deep breaths with your eyes closed. Raise your head and rest it on the back of the tub, wash everything then slide forward to wash your hair. Just don’t share a selfie in this position. You will feel like a relaxed Houdini.

Disclamer: Any colorful language this family unit might have engaged in was deleted. ha

Even though Jesse may have started this conversation on maneuvering himself in the bathtub as a joke, the idea that anyone would not like taking a bath is foreign to me. I am, literally, a bath addict. A world of comfort starts for me when warm water engulfs my body, where a small room of unspeakable pleasure brings relief from the angst of life, from cold toes and cluttered minds. A hot soak slows my body and brain to a crawl, winding a day of hassles down to zero. Warm water surrounds every muscle, as if Mother Nature herself was cuddling me and saying, “Relax, everything’s all right now.”

Weeded out this week: The constant barrage of distressing news. I allowed blissful moments of humor to seep in and save my damaged brain cells. The constant adrenaline flow from facing bad news everyday was surely taking its toll.